


Even Though I Try Not To

by ofEmeraldStars



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, M/M, set after 1x09
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6260533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofEmeraldStars/pseuds/ofEmeraldStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the events of 1x09, after Alec tells Magnus about being engaged to Lydia.</p><p>Alec shows up at Magnus' place to ask for help with Isabelle's arest only to find the warlock barely able to stand on his own two feet.</p><p>Prompt (from Lacrysss): Magnus is exhausted cause of magic, comes home and Alec takes care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Though I Try Not To

It felt like he's been standing there staring at the wooden door of the apartment for hours. His hand half risen between Alec and the door as he played out all the scenarios that could happen. Magnus not answering. Opening the door just to shut it the moment the Warlock saw the Shadowhunter. The hurt in his eyes that was still fresh in his memory like it only happened a couple of minutes ago, not two days.  
  
Alec didn't come here for himself, or for Magnus, no he came for his sister. Izzy who was arrested for treason after their party was attacked and Meliorn was freed. That wasn't all. Alec found out that the Cup was gone, which only meant one thing. Magnus helped them and Alec would make sure that his sister would not be punished for what happened, even if it meant having to ask Magnus to help _somehow_. Magnus was the only one that he felt like he had to explain. Explain why following his heart meant proposing to a _woman_ , someone he didn't love or feel anything for except for some form of respect.  
  
The warlock's expression wasn't the only one that ingrained itself into his mind. Izzy's shock and hurt were there alongside the one Magnus gave him. Alec knew that his sister was trying to save him from an arranged marriage even if it meant not being her true self anymore, and then he just went and got engaged anyway. He blamed himself for what happened next, for them going behind his back, for lying to him. But he was too deep in by now and as the older brother, he had to do everything to protect his family even if it meant putting his own happiness aside.  
  
So, there he stood, still staring and not moving any closer to the door. Alec dreaded this. Facing Magnus with business, trying to guilt him into helping if it came to it. He would not let his only sister get punished for trying to do the right thing when that's what the older sibling was trying to do as well. She was much stronger than him and he knew that, but now he was going to be strong for her.  
  
The Shadowhunter didn't know how long he stood there frowning at the door, deep in thought, but his mind was pulled away when he heard a shuffle on the stairs bellow him. When his eyes snapped towards the noise he gazed into tired looking (and was that surprise?) yellow-green eyes. Magnus stood there, leaning heavily against the railing, panting slightly as if it took his all to climb up, which Alec strongly doubted making his frown turn into a worried one.  
  
"Magnus, are you alright?" the boy asked and took a step towards the Warlock to help him only to be dismissed when the other waved his hand making Alec stop in his tracks.  
  
"Don't worry your pretty little head about me," Magnus said and broke the eye contact starting to pull himself up the remaining steps to lean on his door next.  
  
When Alec saw him dig into his pocket and pull out a pair of keys, the Shadowhunter's worry deepened. Since when do Warlocks, _Magnus_ , use keys to open something so trivial like an apartment door. Yet, at Magnus' obvious dismissal earlier he wasn't too keen on telling Alec what was going on.  
  
Once the door sprung open, Magnus staggered inside as if keeping himself upright took every ounce of energy he had left, and made his way towards the nearest couch before collapsing on it. Alec didn't step over the threshold, not sure if he was welcome to enter and watched as the Warlock made himself comfortable. Silence hung between them like hot air, suffocating, the only sound Magnus' ragged breathing, making Alec's palms sweat the longer it continued.  
  
"What do you want, Alexander?" the warlock whispered, eyes closed. His voice sounded tired, and yet hearing his name made Alec's pulse quicken.  
  
"I know. That you helped them get the Cup," was the first thing that came out of his mouth and Alec berated himself. He wanted to ask for Magnus' help not confront him about that. Not yet at least.  
  
"Ah. Why did I think I could trust a Shadowhunter's word when they say they won't tell, hm?" Magnus spoke, but it felt more like he said that to himself than to Alec.  
  
"They didn't have to. I'm not that stupid," Alec still felt like he ought to reply.  
  
"Of course, you aren't," he replied tiredly, cracking one eye open to stare at Alec who still hasn't set a foot inside the apartment. "If that's all then I wish to be left alone now," Magnus flicked his fingers slightly to indicate for the Shadowhunter to leave.  
  
"I'm here because of Isabelle," Alec started, ignoring Magnus' last sentence. "She was arrested," he finished and at that Magnus' eyes sprung open and he stared at Alec in surprise.  
  
"If you know that I was the one that helped with the Cup, why is she the one getting arrested?" Magnus inquired.  
  
"This isn't about the Cup, they don't even know that it's missing," Alec's voice turned cold at the last word, "this is about Meliorn's escape."  
  
"I had nothing to do with that," Magnus replied in surprise.  
  
"I know that," Alec said a little too harshly, pulling at his hair slightly in frustration. "I just- I hoped that maybe- I don't know what to do," he finally said.  
  
"Oh, _Alexander_ ," Magnus whispered and there was a hint of sadness in his tone.  
  
"I am supposed to protect her, and she only did this because I wouldn't listen. It's my fault. I can't do anything right." Pain tinted his voice as he spoke.  
  
"Come inside and I will see if there's anything I can do to help," Magnus spoke softly and waited.

* * *

Magnus wished that the rejection wouldn't have hurt as much as it did. It wasn't like they were in love with each other, but the warlock fell hard and fast. For the first time in decades, he felt like he could be happy, that Alexander Lightwood wouldn't break his heart. It wouldn't have been the first time it happened anyway, and one day he might actually learn.  
  
Letting himself feel too much too soon always ended up being more of a curse than anything else for him. Yet, against better judgment, he opened his heart to the possibility and it was taken from him before it had a chance to grow. In a way, maybe it was for the best. Falling for a Shadowhunter once again? Didn't he learn the first time?  
  
Even though he would never acknowledge the ache he felt, Magnus threw himself into working one job after another, getting magically drained until he could barely walk. And that's how two days after _it_ , Magnus was once again stumbling his way up the stairway to his apartment. When were they going to repair the elevator anyway? Dragging oneself, when you could barely stand upright, up one flight of stairs after the other was no pleasure.  
  
That's how he came face to face with the older Lightwood sibling. The Warlock wished he would have been in a better state, and not clinging to a railing to keep himself from falling to the ground. He wished that seeing the Shadowhunter again wouldn't have made his pulse quicken like it did, and he squashed the hope spreading through his chest before it could take roots. He was foolish enough to believe that something could happen in the first place.  
  
The warlock was transfixed by having those eyes on him, that he didn't realize the other has spoken until Alec made a movement as if to help him, which he hastily dismissed and dragged himself up the last couple of steps only to almost drape himself on the door. Magnus tried to reach for his magic to unlock the door, but it felt just _too_ far, and resigned himself to opening it the _mundane_ way.  
  
Ignoring the presence of the other man, Magnus unlocked the door and dragged himself inside, managing the few of steps toward the couch, throwing himself onto it with a relieved sigh. Closing his eyes, the warlock tipped his head back against the headrest letting himself relax, as much as he could with the way the presence in his doorway made his hairs stay on end.  
  
When Alec didn't seem to tell him why he came to him, berating himself whenever the hope blossomed once gain, Magnus finally spoke and he didn't mean to sound as exhausted as he felt when the words left his lips in a silent drawl. What he heard next made his heart beat faster for different reasons, because remembering what he did also brought up what happened right _after_.  
  
"Ah. Why did I think I could trust a Shadowhunter's word when they say they won't tell, hm?" Magnus said trying to mask the feelings from surfacing again, from letting the boy see how he feels, again.  
  
"They didn't have to. I'm not that stupid."  
  
"Of course, you aren't." His lips curled in an almost nonexistent smile at Alec's reply and Magnus opened one eye to look at the beautiful man in his doorway. Oh how he wished things would be differently, no politics, no war, but one can only dream.  
  
"If that's all then I wish to be left alone now," the warlock said with a flicker of his fingers, hoping though he knew better that the Shadowhunter wouldn't leave, but mentioned his sister next. Ah, Isabelle. Magnus quite enjoyed her company, she reminded him of himself sometimes without the burden of having have lived hundreds of years.  
  
"She was arrested."  
  
Magnus' eyes snapped open as he stared at Alec in shock and surprise. He couldn't believe the Clave would go to such measures when the truth was right in front of their eyes, but he guessed Shadowhunters would never believe Downworlders, not even when those sent on a mission sanctioned by them went missing.  
  
"If you know that I was the one that helped with the Cup, why is she the one getting arrested?" Magnus suspected that Isabelle's arrest probably has something to do with Meliorn, but still, the warlock wondered why he wasn't escorted by a gang of Shadowhunters to be arrested. Alec's next words only confirmed his suspicion about her arrest.  
  
"I had nothing to do with that," the warlock said wondering if Alec thought that he helped with that as well and this was just his was of telling him that he would be joining Isabelle.  
  
Magnus wished that hearing Alec stumble over his words wouldn't be as endearing as it was, that it didn't make him want to get up and take the boy into his arms and never let go. The only reason he was still seated was that he was just too exhausted to get up and follow what his heart wanted him to do.  
  
"Oh, _Alexander_ ," he whispered and hoped it didn't sound as lovesick to Alec's ears as it did to his own.  
  
"I am supposed to protect her, and she only did this because I wouldn't listen. It's my fault. I can't do anything right." The pain in the Shadowhunter's voice made Magnus' heart break a little not for himself but for the young man in front of him.  
  
"Come inside and I will see if there's anything I can do to help," the warlock said after a moment of silence, deciding that he just couldn't leave him like that and that he was going to help, one way or another.  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, darlings! I hope you enjoyed it! :)
> 
> Apologizes for any typos! (I tried to get them all but you never know)


End file.
